8/29/03 News Specks

Football players charged with hazing at Scott County school:

Remember when I told you about the high school football players who sodomized freshmen teammates with a broom handle and antiseptic cream? Well, they’ve been charged with conspiracy, hazing, and penetration. But guess what, they still get to attend class. I’m sure that will make the victims feel real comfortable. The public school system in this country needs to be torn down and rebuilt because obviously it’s not working.

Spider-Man Song

For a while, now Little Jay and I have been making up these stupid little songs that crack us up and I thought I would share one with you. This one is actually the first in a series. Every time we hear a phrase or occupation that ends with the suffix “man” we automatically start singing the Spider-Man theme song from the 60’s cartoon with the new word in place of Spider-Man. Then a whole song stems out from it. I forget how this one exactly started. I don’t remember if we were watching the Ironman triathlon, or listening to the Black Sabbath song Ironman or if we were discussing the comic book character Iron Man but we came up with this song…

Iron Man
Iron Man
Does whatever an iron can
Presses pants
Any size
Fixes buttons
And some flies
Look out
Here comes the Iron Man

Is he strong?
Listen bud
He’s got iron in his blood
Take a look
Overhead
If he falls on you
You’ll be dead
Look out
Here comes the Iron Man

And that’s about as talented as we are. We never finish the whole song. Yet we were pretty pleased with ourselves though.

Right now we’re collaborating on Weather Man. Just need to fine tune some things and we’ll be ready to go. and you can’t use just any word either. The description has to function as a noun as well. For instance, you can’t say Aquaman, Aquaman, does whatever an Aqua can. That’s just stupid. If you have any ideas for the Spider-Man song or any songs of your own let me know.

Feed the Rabbit

trix

There is one person out there who is in the most need of Jesse Jackson, the ACLU, and Johnnie Cochran. He’s not a criminal. He’s not a politician. He’s not a political prisoner. Hell, he’s not even black. But he’s been discriminated against for the past 30 years. He has been denied his only one great pleasure for over 3 decades now yet no one comes to his aid. I for one will no longer stand idly by while time after time he gets his greatest wish within his grasp only to have it ripped right out of his hands.

Imagine how he must hear the voices when he sleeps at night taunting him over and over again. “Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids”.

The Trix Rabbit has been denied his only one true love by evil children everywhere. Perpetuated by generations of lies handed down to from parent to child. I say now is the time for Trix to no longer be for kids. We must band together as representatives of people everywhere that we are not in general discriminatory against Rabbits.

Why is PETA not outraged about this? Why aren’t benefits being held for his benefit? Why isn’t Rage Against the Machine writing songs for him? Do you know whose fault this is? The General Mills Corporation. I am calling for an immediate boycott of all General Mills product until they grant the Trix Rabbit some Trix. It’s reprehensible that General Mills would promote this blatant speciesism as a marketing tool. If you see the Trix Rabbit take him in and give him some Trix. Give him a safe haven away from those prejudiced little rat bastards.

8/18/2003 Newsbites

School District Investigates Allegations of Sexual Assault At NCSU Basketball Camp:

More athletic sodomy. This time by high school seniors to their underclassmen freshmen teammates If this is what sports are all about I’m glad I never joined any teams. Great quotes from this article…

One of the boys supposedly said: “This happened to us. Now it is your turn.”

This is basketball camp, not prison. Come for the learning stay for the sodomy.

Lawmakers recently more clearly defined the state’s hazing law. Its definition of hazing is subjecting someone to personal injury as a prerequisite to joining a club. Students convicted of the crime are no longer required to be expelled.

What do you mean no longer required to be expelled? These kids should be expelled, arrested and put in prison. Seriously would someone who is/was an athlete tell me why is sodomizing your teammates the new thing to do. Especially since athletes have been the most homophobic group of citizens. Seems like they’re overcompensating.

I guess antiseptic cream makes it ok

Football players charged with hazing at Scott County school:

So four high school football players ranging in age from 16 to 18 forcibly sodomize two 13-year-old freshmen with a broom handle that had been covered with antiseptic cream. Surprisingly, not really, the attackers have not been expelled or suspended. They’ve only been dismissed from the team. What the fuck is wrong here? Why weren’t they expelled on the spot? What the fuck is wrong with educators these days? Did they have all their “balls” removed when they got teaching jobs? It kills me that the educational system has become so PC but yet they still kowtow to the athletic programs. Some assclown New York cops forcibly sodomized a Haitian man with a toilet plunger a few years ago. The ringleader was sentenced to 30 years in prison. Yet these kids get to walk around free after raping two 13-year-olds. Tell me the school system in our country isn’t totally fucked up. I’d love to hear from just one athlete that thinks that this is acceptable behavior. Just one.

However Much It Was, It Wasn’t Enough

Families of Columbine victims settle with gunmen’s parents:

The terms of the settlement were undisclosed but listen to this quote…

The families’ attorney, Barry Arrington, argued that the Klebolds and Harrises were liable for not being aware of or not doing anything about the gunplay and bombmaking activities of their sons.

How anyone can disagree with that statement is beyond me. As far as I’m concerned they should be charged with 13 counts of manslaughter but unfortunately, life isn’t like Law and Order.

Bible Burnings? That’s it. I’m out of here.

Greenville Church Burns the Bible:

That’s in Michigan in case you were wondering. Thanks to FARK for this one. It’s people like this that sometimes make me ashamed to be a Christian. Burning Mormon bibles and Catholic rosaries is not winning you any points with God. Let me quote the article…

Church leaders say any Bible besides the King James version that they use, are distractions.

The King James version huh? Exactly when did Christ rise again and say “Oh yeah, this here King James Bible, yeah that’s one. All the other ones suck”? The King James Bible is not the definitive Bible. I found an interesting web page that brings up some interesting points…

The King James Bible has undergone three revisions since its inception in 1611, incorporating more than 100,000 changes. Which King James Bible is inspired, therefore?

Those who advocate that the KJV has exclusive rights to being called the Holy Bible are always, curiously, English-speaking people (normally isolated Americans). Yet, Martin Luther’s fine translation of the Bible into German predated the KJV by almost 100 years.

That was just one of the many fine points made by the author. Well, get used to the fire boys. You’ll be spending a lot of time in it when your time comes.