The Trench Reynolds Report

All Crime Is Personal

Wow. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. I’ve been really slacking off in my fascist duties. Anyway, while I was lurking in the valley of the shadow of the mutants I came across a German website dedicated to the two cowardly scumbags Columbine killers Harris and Klebold. The site is mainly in German (duh) and I’m sorry I’m not as continental as you but I don’t speak German. However, there is some English on the site and it’s in a section where mutants have bid birthday wishes to Harris and Klebold. Here are just some of the selections…

Hey Eric,
Happy Birthday! I cant wait until we meet in death. I’m sure your kickin it with Dylan and maybe Jeff right now. Your my hero, you and Dylan had the balls to what I can probally never do. Yes I could kill someone, but to pull a mass murder and then have the curage to let your lives go. I bow down to you for that. Not for leting yourself go, but doing what maybe everyone wants to do at some piont. Sometimes I swear I can feel you near me. But then again it could be my imangination that I want to know and be with you so badly. I think everyone here does. Dylan was right you guys are fucking god like.

RIP Eric. I will always be by your side, and I love you.

~Sara “RebVodKa420FOREVER”

***

Wazzup, D? Mmm.. I have no idea how to go about this. I’ve never written to a dead person before -especially not one as controversial as you. But I suppose I could just write what I feel.. So, as you predicted, you and Eric did have followers, and I suppose I fit into that category. I’m still trying my best to just accept it, but it’s not that easy. But you know what I’ve been thinking? I want to be you. I want that so much sometimes. I wish I had the courage to just act out my emotions. Some would argue that the difference between you and me is that I’m not stupid enough to act it out, and they’re probably right. But still.. The rush you must have felt is something I crave. I want it. I need it. But I can never have it. It would be such a bad idea. But oh, how I wish it was me in the library next to Eric resting quietly on his knee. If only you could have seen the chaos. What a birthday present, huh?

***

Happy 23rd Birthday Dylan! Though We Never Met, I Still Care About You. You Will Be Remembered And Will Be In My Prayers 4-Ever. I Don’t See You As The Mean Person The Media Has Made You Out To Be- You’re Simply The Sweet, Shy, Nice Guy That I See. On Your Behalf I Will Blow Out A Candle 4 You On This Very Special Day- I Wish You The Best And May You Rest In Peace.

Lots Of Love,
Cindy

I’d like to say parents these could be your kids but truth be told some of these people are actually adults and that truly is scary.

9 thoughts on “Do they have birthdays in hell?

  1. jim says:

    Happy Birthday! I cant wait until we meet in death

    they could hurry up the process and drink the koolaid πŸ˜†

    Like

  2. missing_persons says:

    this is some scary stuff…

    Like

  3. jim says:

    First time vistor huh ? You cant imagine how bad these freaks get. This is like the tip of the iceburg.

    Nevertheless… Welcome to the Trenchcoat πŸ™‚

    Like

  4. Erica says:

    friends of the fallen would probably be responsible for one of those letters.

    Like

  5. Erica says:

    shit…Fallen Soldiers, not friends of the fallen sory guys

    Like

  6. Mike Schuler says:

    All I can say to the young idiots that made those birthday wishes is: Get a job. Start pulling your own weight along in this world. You might be 15 years old right now, knowing everything, but some day, if you are lucky, you might live to the grand old age of 35. And then maybe 45? Who the hell knows? Continue on your present path, and look at the fate of your predesseors. It’s not pretty. Good luck.

    Like

  7. sky says:

    I respect dylan and eric for doing what they did…

    Like

  8. Jim says:

    So does Satan πŸ™„

    Like

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