We received the following e-mail from a reader who fell victim to a bad boyfriend. I’m just going to let the e-mail speak for itself…
Hi, I just wanted to take the the time out and let you know that I commend you for your work on the Bad Breeders website. I find myself strangely drawn to that site, even though the stories are horrible and make me sick. I believe the reason for that is I could have very well been one of those dumb mothers I so often read about there.
PLEASE, PLEASE continue to stress to these women that you have to be very careful about who you have around your children! And you don’t have to necessarily be as ignorant, selfish, or cruel as the mothers in some of your stories. Sometimes these sociopaths are so manipulative and cunning, they can make even a loving, reasonably intelligent mother blind. I fell in love with a convicted sex offender who managed to convince EVERYBODY that his conviction was just one of those situations where he was eighteen years old and took nude photos of a consenting sixteen-year-old girl. I checked the court records myself, and saw that indeed there was only a two year age difference between the two. When he was released, he didn’t even have to attend his mandatory sex offender counseling, because his parole officer and the sex offender counselor were both convinced by this man. He appeared to be a very nice, sweet, charming man who had made some mistakes but was trying to better himself. He liked kids, often spending time with kids from troubled homes or with busy parents, out the so-called goodness of his so-called heart. We had a daughter of our own. When my daughter was still a baby, I found out he was cheating and moved out. I thought it a bit suspect that the girl he cheated on me with was only about 20, and he was 32, but still, although it’s a big age difference and speaks of incredible immaturity on his part, it wasn’t a criminal act and didn’t stop me from leaving my child with him. Just like some of your featured bad breeding moms, I would go to work and leave my baby with this scumbag all day. To make a long story short, videotapes were discovered of him not only having sex with his teenage niece, but some of his niece’s friends and another relative. All these filthy shenanigans were going on in the home with my daughter there, and a lot of it happened when I still lived there, while I was sleeping or at work. It sickens me to know what my baby was exposed to, and it sickens me to think of him molesting his own niece while I was was asleep in the same house. I feel horrible for the children he abused, but I thank God every day that my child didn’t get a chance to be one of them. She was only a baby, and apparently he liked young teen girls, but I’m positive that if he was around when my daughter turned 10, 11, 12 years old, she would have been the one on those videos. He is now in jail on child porn and sex abuse charges.
Some of us women have an incredible soft spot and always want to believe and sympathize with someone’s hard luck stories, but we as mothers have to be incredibly skeptical and vigilant. I’ve learned to trust my instincts 100%! We KNOW when something’s not right. We just talk ourselves out our own feelings. “Oh, maybe he didn’t mean it like that.” “Oh, maybe I’m just paranoid.” Or we let the man talk us out of our feelings. Now, I don’t give a damn if he really didn’t mean it like that or if I am just paranoid. I don’t give ANYBODY the benefit of the doubt anymore, not when it comes to my child. If I’m wrong, so what. All that happens is I may have hurt somebody’s feelings. But if I’m right, and don’t act on it, then it’s my baby that’s hurt. And I’d rather hurt somebody’s feelings than see my child hurt any day. My daughter is an amazingly beautiful, smart, funny, and lovable 5 year old today. She could have been one of those poor children, beaten, shaken, raped, even killed, because I trusted a child abuser with her life. Women need to do background checks, and don’t let a man convince you how it wasn’t their fault. All criminals have a sob story, and some a pretty damn convincing one. But it’s nearly always a lie. Some other things to look out for are men who don’t interact appropriately with children–either being too irritable, impatient, or getting unreasonably angry about minor things, or the other end of the spectrum, the ones who go out of their way to hang out with kids and seem to prefer them to adults, and act unusually immature for their age. Or just being inappropriate in general–in this case, I remember my ex talking about how he had to tell a (female) friend’s 10 or 11 year old daughter all about starting her period and how to take care of herself–most men would rather cut their own throat than be anywhere around a discussion about a period, and what man would take it upon himself to have such an intimate discussion with a young girl? Not like the child didn’t have women in her life she could have asked. But I brushed it off as being stupid and ignorant and didn’t see it as perversion or sickness. Now I see things a lot different. I wouldn’t advise leaving your child alone with ANYONE who isn’t a trusted family member or a licensed childcare provider, unless you’ve really done your homework.
A lot of your stories have parents who are cruel and sadistic, but some could be misguided and gullible as I was. Those are the stories that we can eliminate, if we can just convince women to be VERY careful of who’s around their kids! And please keep your website going. As horrible as these stories are, maybe the more of them we hear, the more careful we will be with our precious children.