Suicide is selfish

typeonegativesuicide

So as we all have heard by now a renowned celebrity killed himself recently. When my wife told me the news I said that I don’t get it. She said to me that I of all people should get it. What she means is that I suffer from depression, horribly. Also in my younger years I have attempted suicide. I tried in my teens because of a hellish situation at home and in my mid 20s because I experienced a drastic life change for the worse at the time. I have not made any attempts since then. That’s not to say the thought never enters my mind but I digress.

Getting back to the celebrity in question, the reason I don’t get it is because as far as I can tell he had the means and resources to get help. I’ve heard reports that he committed suicide due to financial issues but how bad could they have been? Would they be to the level where he would have to live on the street? I doubt it. I’m not faulting him for being successful in his career but he should have taken advantage of that success in order to get help.

Suicide mostly has to do with mental illness, no one knows that better than me, however it is also an act of selfishness. No matter who you are if you take your own life it will have repercussions among those closest to you for years to come and may affect someone in a negative way for the rest of their life.

Take me for example. Like I’ve mention ad nauseam I suffer from depression. I take medication for it which helps but there are still bad days. For example right now I’m unemployed. I have been for the past 7 months. I didn’t work at my previous job, which was a temp job, long enough to be able to collect unemployment. What little money I’m able to scrounge up comes from panhandling to friends and strangers on the internet. I can’t even get hired by retail or fast food let alone my own field.

My car is in a serious state of disrepair. Because of my financial situation I am unable to get the car repaired which means I can’t get inspected or registered for the year. Because of that the car has been ticketed multiple times for having expired tags. In less than 30 days I have to do one of the following, pay a $250 fine which only delays getting ticketed again, turn in the tags which leaves me with no transportation, or go to jail for not doing the previous two.

Speaking of my meds, I have to ration them because I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford them again or be able to afford a visit to the doctor’s.

The past seven months have been very hard not only on me but my family as well and yes there are some days where I’m so depressed that I pray for the release of death. A situation like this I’m sure has broken people before but I persevere. I have to. There is no other way. I have no choice. I have a family who would be devastated if I were to take my own life. I care for them too much to ever do that to them no matter how bleak my situation gets. I don’t tell you this for your pity, I tell you this because suicide is not a normal or healthy thought.

If you are considering suicide I urge you to get mental help as quick as you can. There’s no shame in admitting that you need help.

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3 Comments

  1. Night Owl Kitchen

    Thank you for writing this! I feel like I’m the only one who thinks this way, so happy to have finally run into your blog on this topic. I too suffer from depression, it stems from my PCOS(Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I can’t afford any medication at all, I have to rely on prayer and supplements to help boost my mood just enough to keep me from spiraling out of control.

    After learning about his death I too said, why?! My mother was the first who spoke up about when people get to that stage they think there’s no other solution. Immediately I said bull honky (I’m from Alabama btw). I told her back when I was contemplating suicide I finally realized just how selfish I was being. Only thinking of myself and the pain, I then thought of how my parents would have felt had I gone through with it, the countless lives I would have never had the opportunity to meet and possibly change…or the child that I would finally have and have been raising as a single parent now for 10 years. How dare I ruin not just my life but so many others?

    What people aren’t getting is that suicide isn’t a healthy or normal state of mind. It is a self-centered way of thinking. Because the person who is contemplating suicide cannot think of anything that is positive or healthy, they become so focused on how they are feeling they lose sight of how killing themselves will affect their loved ones, how it will cheat someone else out of being blessed by that person. People seem to be too afraid to ask for help these days. They instantly worry that someone is going to think they are weak, incapable of handling life, and continue on until it finally consumes them. Then the rest of us are left standing around asking the questions “why didn’t he/she ask for help?” It’s not as if those suicide hotline numbers are a secret, all anyone has to do is do a web search for it and presto there’s the number! Or just go to someone and say I think I need some help I’ve been thinking about suicide. No one is going to ridicule you, think less of you, or get all crazed asking questions.

    Robin Williams, and others like him, who have the means to seek such professional help, really had no excuse at all in not speaking up. Because of his celebrity status he could have been a resounding voice for suicide awareness(active voice that is). Instead he’s become a statistic and others are now using his death to promote suicide awareness. How much more of a positive message could it have been had he just spoken up rather than letting it consume him?

    Indeed, suicide is selfish.

    Reply
    1. Trench Reynolds

      Thank you for your excellent comment.

      Reply
  2. edrebber

    I think if someone is a pedophile, rapist or premeditated murder, they should do society a favor and commit suicide. For all intents and purposes they are already dead to society and can never be successfully reintegrated. Furthermore, the prison system will use them to groom other lesser criminals in prison to create more hard core criminals and expand prison customer base.

    Reply

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