The Trench Reynolds Report

All Crime Is Personal

jade-helm

Surprised this wasn’t done in Comic Sans

Almost around this time last year, I posted about how not only were the conspiracy nuts taking over but they were now dictating public policy. In that year it’s gotten significantly worse.

The U.S. military is about to undertake something that it’s done since the beginning of when this country had a military, military exercises. Many sections of the military will; take place in a massive exercise that will span from July to September and from California to Texas that is codenamed Jade Helm 15. A lot of people in Texas are collectively losing their shit over Jade Helm 15 saying that either their guns are going to be confiscated, it’s the start of martial law or that they’ll be sent to the ever so popular FEMA prison camps.

This would actually be hilarious if it wasn’t for one thing. The GOVERNOR of Texas, Greg Abbott, has actually bent over for these crackpots by promising that the Texas Guard will monitor the exercises to make sure they’re on the up and up. God forbid a politician should tell these people that they’re crazier than a shithouse rat. At least a former politician did. Todd Euless, a veteran of the Texas Legislature, wrote a letter to the governor that said he is “horrified that I have to choose between the possibility that my Governor actually believes this stuff and the possibility that my Governor doesn’t have the backbone to stand up to those who do.” He also referred to the lunatic fringe as a cancer on the state. Can’t say I disagree with him.

My question is are these partisan conspiracy nuts? Are they only frothing at the mouth because a black Democrat who’s a ‘secret Muslim from Kenya’ in the White House or did they also go bananas about military exercises when Bush of Skull and Bones was in office?

Let’s look at this logically for a minute. I know that’s a lot to ask from some folks but bear with me. Where is the majority of fighting taking place in the world today? In areas with lots of deserts. What’s mostly between California and Texas? A shit ton of desert.

As an aside when I become president I’m going to initiate Aluminum Hat 1 that will round up all the conspiracy theorists and finally put them in FEMA camps. Then they’ll finally get to be happy by telling everyone they were right all along. It’ll be easy to identify them. Just ask them if 9/11 was an inside job.

As I’ve said before when you look for a conspiracy in everything then everything is a conspiracy. Me? I’d rather go about living my life without fearing an imaginary bogeyman.

UPDATE 5/4/2015: For fuck’s sake, Chuck Norris is one of them.

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