So yesterday morning I get up early (well, early for me) and I got to the polls around 7:30 am. Talk about a clusterfuck. First off there is a volunteer fire house right down the street from me that’s used as a polling place yet I have to go like 5 miles away to my assigned polling place. Then when I get to my assigned polling place, a middle school, the line is around the school. Since school was closed they left the buses in the parking lot, which caused a severe parking problem. I said “screw this” I have to get to work. So I left without voting.
While I read the local news at work I read a quote from a guy who said that since the lines were so long he wasn’t going to vote. This guy should have all his voting rights taken away from him for being such a lazy ass bastard. There are countries around the world that are new to democracy where people walk hundreds of miles to wait days in line just to cast their vote.
I also read where a third-rate celebrity who is the darling of the internet, you know who I mean, posted on his blog that if Bush gets re-elected he is going to literally cry. Grow a set for Chrissakes.
My wife calls me during the afternoon and says that she didn’t have to wait at all. I wasn’t so optimistic about my wait time for when I get off work.
So after work I drive to the polling place. I get there about 5:45 pm. The polls close in North Carolina at 7:30 pm so I should have plenty of time. The line was long but it moved pretty quickly. The people waiting in line around me were very nice. No talk of politics just polite chitchat.
Now this is my first time voting in a North Carolina election. When I moved back here in 2000 I moved too close to election day so I wasn’t eligible to vote in this state at that time. Anyway I get in and I get handed a punch card. A freakin’ punch card? Great. Images of Florida dance in my head. All the times I voted back home in Jersey they had the electronic voting machines where you just press a button next to the candidate you want to vote for. Anyway you’d have to have the skill of a surgeon to leave a hanging chad on these punch cards.
So I go home and park my ass on the couch and stay glued to the TV. I primarily stayed on Fox News. I am a Republican and I would rather watch a broadcast that was more sympathetic to my cause. I did flip around and watched all the broadcasts though. ABC did a much better job than they did in 2000. Much more partial than it was back then. MSNBC and CNN were basically giving Kerry virtual blowjobs. Dan Rather was breaking his arm patting himself on the back about how great CBS’s coverage was. Dan really should know when to keep his trap shut. He doesn’t have a whole lot of credibility since the fake memos thing.
So it’s getting late then something happens to make my heart drop. Fox News declares Bush the winner in Ohio before any other network. I flipped around for a while hoping some other network would. MSNBC eventually did but that didn’t offer me much hope since MSNBC sucks out loud. Visions of Florida being given to Gore in 2000 filled my head and I was hoping that Fox News wasn’t making the same mistake. Then John Edwards and his hair came out to make his little “every vote will be counted” speech. Finally around 2:30 am I got tired of waiting so I went to bed.
Fast forward to today. John Kerry has shown a great deal of class by conceding and not dragging this out. Of course all the liberals in my office are up in arms. Two black women I work with are claiming that the election was rigged. It’s a shame really because one of them is really smarter than that.
Hopefully after Senator Kerry gives his concession speech that most of my election wishes will have come true.
There is a downside to the outcome of the election though. I get to hear 4 more years of leftist radicals and dumbass celebrities complaining about the President. On the upside however it provides me with four more years of material.
And lastly to all the unpatriotic assclowns that said they’d leave the country if Bush were reelected I have only one thing to say. Don’t let the door hit you in your smelly hairy hippy ass on the way out.
Stay tuned for my special announcement regarding the 2008 Presidential race after 8 PM ET tonight.