Jade Helm goes out not with a bang but a whimper

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When the military exercise codenamed Jade Helm 15 was first announced some citizens of Texas went nuts with conspiracy theories of martial law and the confiscation of guns. They caused such a clamor that the Governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, actually promised these whackjobs that the Texas Guard will watch over the exercise.

Well, guess what kids. Jade Helm has ended and Texas remains free and full of guns. However, I’m sure the conspiracy theorists will take credit for keeping Texas free by allegedly exposing the evil government’s plans of rounding up gun owning Texans and holding them against their will in empty Wal-Marts. I’m just thankful that none of these nuts injured or killed a member of our own military.

I guess the tin foil hat crowd will now have to go back to ‘9/11 was an inside job’ until the next ‘false flag’ comes around.

First arrests made in Jade Helm conspiracy

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As I predicted, three men have been arrested for allegedly plotting against the government in response to the Jade Helm 15 military exercise.

Walter Eugene Litteral, 50, Christopher James Barker, 41, and Christopher Todd Campbell, 30, are accused of stockpiling guns and ammunition, as well as attempting to manufacture pipe bombs and live grenades from military surplus “dummy” grenades, according unsealed criminal complaints released Monday.

The three men all hail from Tex…wait, not Texas? They’re from North Carolina? Gastonia of all places? For those of you who don’t live in the Charlotte, North Carolina, area, like yours truly, Gastonia is a redneck suburb of Charlotte. North Carolina was not even on the Jade Helm 15 map so for these rocket surgeons to start stockpiling arms in response to it just shows how far crazy can reach.

As I am wont to say, if you look for a conspiracy in everything then everything is a conspiracy.

Also, I am aware of the shots fired at soldiers at Camp Shelby, Mississippi, but as of yet, there’s been no concrete connection to Jade Helm.

UPDATE: While a lot of partisan hacks were claiming the Camp Shelby ‘shootings’ were connected to Jade Helm it turns out it was just a guy who can make his truck backfire at will.

UPDATE 7/19/2016: Late last month, Walter Eugene Litteral was sentenced to two years behind bars with one year given for time served. He pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of buying a firearm for Barker, who has a felony record. Barker and Campbell were both given 21-month sentences back in January.

Jade Helm should stay out of Texas but not for conspiracy reasons

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I originally posted about military exercise code-named Jade Helm 15 here. The short version is that a crazy vocal minority in Texas think that the exercise is actually some kind of secret government operation to either declare martial law in Texas or to take their guns or both depending on which crackpot you’re talking to. What makes the situation worse is that when Jade Helm was first announced and the tin foil crowd first complained, Texas Governor Greg Abbot actually acquiesced to this vocal minority of morons and promised that the Texas Guard will monitor the exercises.

As the start of Jade Helm grows nearer I’m beginning to think that maybe the Texas part of the exercise should be canceled. Not because I believe in any conspiracy theory bullshit but I’m afraid it might put the safety of some of our military members at risk.

I’m afraid that some gun nut will see a member of the military somewhere near his land and decide to take matters into his own hands. Even worst I’m afraid that small ‘militia’ groups may already be forming to go out looking for trouble.

Since the Governor of Texas doesn’t have the balls or the brains to tell some of his constituents that they’re crazier than shit house rats then the US military may want to consider keeping their personnel away from the more armed and brain-addled area of the exercise.

Texans lose their minds over military exercise Jade Helm 15

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Surprised this wasn’t done in Comic Sans

Almost around this time last year, I posted about how not only were the conspiracy nuts taking over but they were now dictating public policy. In that year it’s gotten significantly worse.

The U.S. military is about to undertake something that it’s done since the beginning of when this country had a military, military exercises. Many sections of the military will; take place in a massive exercise that will span from July to September and from California to Texas that is codenamed Jade Helm 15. A lot of people in Texas are collectively losing their shit over Jade Helm 15 saying that either their guns are going to be confiscated, it’s the start of martial law or that they’ll be sent to the ever so popular FEMA prison camps.

This would actually be hilarious if it wasn’t for one thing. The GOVERNOR of Texas, Greg Abbott, has actually bent over for these crackpots by promising that the Texas Guard will monitor the exercises to make sure they’re on the up and up. God forbid a politician should tell these people that they’re crazier than a shithouse rat. At least a former politician did. Todd Euless, a veteran of the Texas Legislature, wrote a letter to the governor that said he is “horrified that I have to choose between the possibility that my Governor actually believes this stuff and the possibility that my Governor doesn’t have the backbone to stand up to those who do.” He also referred to the lunatic fringe as a cancer on the state. Can’t say I disagree with him.

My question is are these partisan conspiracy nuts? Are they only frothing at the mouth because a black Democrat who’s a ‘secret Muslim from Kenya’ in the White House or did they also go bananas about military exercises when Bush of Skull and Bones was in office?

Let’s look at this logically for a minute. I know that’s a lot to ask from some folks but bear with me. Where is the majority of fighting taking place in the world today? In areas with lots of deserts. What’s mostly between California and Texas? A shit ton of desert.

As an aside when I become president I’m going to initiate Aluminum Hat 1 that will round up all the conspiracy theorists and finally put them in FEMA camps. Then they’ll finally get to be happy by telling everyone they were right all along. It’ll be easy to identify them. Just ask them if 9/11 was an inside job.

As I’ve said before when you look for a conspiracy in everything then everything is a conspiracy. Me? I’d rather go about living my life without fearing an imaginary bogeyman.

UPDATE 5/4/2015: For fuck’s sake, Chuck Norris is one of them.