Remembrance of e-mails past

Late 90s me.

Late 90s me.

Today I was closing a paid e-mail account that I’ve used for the past 12 years. FastMail if you’re curious, I highly recommend it. It can do all the things G-Mail can without the specter of Google hanging over you. Right now it’s just not financially feasible for me, but I digress.

While I was cleaning out the account I came across some e-mails that I had saved from my previous e-mail account at Yahoo. These e-mails were from 1999, April of 1999 to be precise. If you’re not familiar with what happened then and what happened to me you can catch up on the About page.

Now this is in no way meant to imply what I went through was anywhere near the amount of tragedy and loss of what the victims and their families and friends went through. I just thought it would be an interesting story to share.

Anyway, it seems that I saved some of the e-mails that I received from journalists and those not deserving of the title. This was back before I even started blogging and I was not used to being thrust into any kind of spotlight. I’m not posting their names so the mutants don’t give them any grief.

This first one was from a writer at TIME magazine…

Subject: Trenhcoat Mafia?

Hi, my name is [redacted]. I’m a reporter at Time magazine, and I’m writing a story this week about the school shooting outside of Denver. Some students have said that the shooters are members of something called the Trenchcoat Mafia. Can you tell me what that is? It could well be a local group, but I found your site and thought I would “summon” you for an answer. Thanks for any help you can provide.

Feel free to e-mail me, or call 212-[redacted]. Thanks much.

Now we know how wrong that information was. I never did call him.

This next one was from a guy at the New York Post. He sent this after I had posted the disclaimer that my website at the time had nothing to do with the shootings…

Subject: Goth

Hey:

I realize I stumbled onto your site because I’m doing a story for the New York Post about kids who are into Goth and Gothic characters.

I understand that you are not in any way involved in the shooting in Colorado, but I do have some questions for you:

In your new home page, you wrote, “Yes I have problems. But instead of acting out violently I write.” What do you mean by that? What kind of problems? Are these “problems” shared by other people in your school? Are there people you know who consider themselves outcasts because they feel excluded from the traditional school cliques (athletes, science geeks, cheerleader types, brains, etc)?

Why “dark poetry,” as you call it? What attracts you to these types of lyrics?

Please, if you get a chance, email me back with your phone number and I’ll call you to discuss this further.

Thanks for your time.

[REDACTED]
NY POST REPORTER

At least he had more tact than the guy from TIME but still off base as it turned out that goths weren’t involved in the shooting either. I also like how he assumed I was school age. I’ll admit that my writing back then was pretty juvenile but there was also a stereotype back then that only kids knew how to use the internet, but it was probably my writing.

I actually responded to this one…

Actually I’m a 30-year-old man from the east coast. I have the same problems as everyone else. Money. Job stress. Family problems.

I call it dark poetry because it’s not very positive. I’ve always been a negative person. Everyone has a violent side in them, but those who choose to act on it have even bigger problems. Mentally and emotionally.

Thanks for checking with me first. Unlike The Washington Post who automatically assumed I was part of that organization.

Yeah, I was still pretty bitter at the Washington Post at the time and you have to remember I was suffering from severe depression and was not being treated for it at the time. However as John Astin once said, “I’m feeling much better now.” I eventually did do some interviews with the Post but it was about MySpace stuff if I remember correctly and it wasn’t with that particular ‘reporter’. I believe his actual title was ‘style editor’ back then, whatever the hell that means.

The next one was from a Canadian reporter. I don’t recall what his questions were to me. I guess they’ve been lost to the ages but I felt his response to me was special enough for me to save for 15 years.

Dear T.C.:

Thank you for the disclaimer. It’s important for a reporter to know whether he or she is on the right – or wrong – track when researching a story. And when one media outlet errs, the mistake is easily compounded because we sometimes rely on each other for leads. Hang in there.

[Redacted]
Reporter
The Windsor Star
Windsor, Ont.
Canada

Now that I think about it he may not have even asked me a question. He may have just been thanking me for not sending him on a wild goose chase that so many other news agencies pursued in the days following the tragedy. The Canadian media has always treated me well and fairly. They’re much better than the American media but they are hampered by law in what they can report when it comes to crime stories, but I’m digressing again.

That’s all I’ve got from back then. All the hate mail I received I deleted but I regret doing that now, except for the goatse one. If you don’t know what that is you’re better off not knowing. Oh, I still have the one from the Washington Post guy but I’ve discussed that one to death.

In a strange coincidence the paid e-mail account I mentioned before was due to expire this coming Sunday, April the 20th.

Emergency Ask BB: Upcoming visitation hearing

You know the drill. We’re not lawyers, take advice at own risk etc.

This is from one of our regulars, not saying who but please read and advise. Names have been changed to protect identities.

Hi, I am curious as to the groups thoughts on the following situation. We go to court in two days. The most I am willing to accept is supervised visitation.

Mr. Smith and I started dating in March of 2010. The relationship moved rather quickly and Mr. Smith was spending most of his time at my residence. The first sign that I had that something was not quite right was when I offered Mr. Smith a drawer in my bedroom and he took it as an invitation to move in. I was a little concerned about that but none of my roommates seemed to mind so I decided to go with it. Shortly after moving in, Mr. Smith was laid off from his employer and two out of my four roommates moved out.

The second sign that something was not right with Mr. Smith involved our landlords cat GiGi. GiGi was left in the house for my roommates and me to care for. GiGi had several health problems and was not a friendly cat. Mr. Smith decided that the best thing to do would be to take the cat out to his grandfather’s farm and shoot her. He did just that after catching her in some kind of animal cage. He told our landlord he had her euthanized at the veterinarian’s office.

Throughout the next year, Mr. Smith became a bully in our home. No matter what anyone else did, it was never good enough. He had not been able to hold a job and was unwilling to do even the smallest amount of housework. Another roommate moved out.

In February of 2011, I found out I was pregnant. The already tense relationships in our home become even worse. Mr. Smith became even more difficult to live with. In the first few months of my pregnancy, I asked Mr. Smith to sleep in another room under the guise of being uncomfortable. Mr. Smith made several statements during my pregnancy that left me frightened. He stated on multiple occasions that if we ever broke up he would fight me for full custody of our child because he had “a bigger support system than I did.” He threatened to just take off with the child if tried to keep our child away from him; he also threatened to kill the child for the same reason. He also stated that he would kill our child if it was born with Down syndrome or any other serious “defect.” I was miserable in the relationship and afraid to ask him to leave.

By the end of my pregnancy, Mr. Smith and I fought all the time and our last roommate moved out without an explanation. Our daughter was born on October 11, 2011 and it did not take long to figure out that this relationship could no longer last. However, Mr. Smith had gotten a job and I had just had a baby so I stayed despite my better judgment.

Five weeks later, Mr. Smith lost the new job and things became even worse. I could no longer financially support the household and Mr. Smith’s physical and mental health had declined. He mostly stayed in the house, without showering for days. I returned to work in the beginning of January. Mr. Smith stayed at home with the baby for around a month. In that time, I had walked in on him screaming at the baby to “Stop Fucking Crying.” He refused to clean her diaper area properly or give her a bath. On January 13, 2012, Mr. Smith called me at work irate that the baby was trying to put her hand and her pacifier in her mouth at the same time. I immediately contacted the director of the Early Childhood Care Center to see if they had an opening for Patience. I was told they would have a spot for her the 2nd week of February. I couldn’t wait that long so after a little more talking to people, I was able to get her in on January 31, 2012. I was so relieved to have her somewhere that I did not have to worry about her while working.

Mr. Smith was still not working and his health was continuing to decline. I had started making plans to leave. On March 4, 2012 Mr. Smith’s health had gotten too bad. Mr. Smith would not listen to me, so I called his father. I told his father that he needed to come take Mr. Smith to the hospital or take him home with him. I couldn’t take it anymore. During his stay in the hospital, Mr. Smith got mad at me for sharing his condition with his sister and told me I was a traitor for making him go the hospital. He was preliminarily diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. During our arguments while he was in the hospital I told Mr. Smith that I would deal with either his physical condition or his attitude. I would not deal with both. He promised to try to improve. He did not and things continued to get worse. It was during this time that Mr. Smith told me he did not love our daughter. I told him that he would never tell her that and that he would pretend to love her because of what having a father like him would do to her.

Mr. Smith and I broke up on May 2, 2012 after yet another argument in which he told me he would fight me for full custody of our daughter. The night of our breakup Mr. Smith begin to tell me that he was not sure if he wanted to be in our daughter’s life anymore. This was a threat that I heard many times over the next month while we made other living arrangements. On May 9, 2012 Mr. Smith sent me and his sister (whom he had broken ties with in April) an invitation to a cell phone app that tracks your location using your phone’s GPS.

On Monday May 14, 2012 Mr. Smith, his father and I went to see an MS specialist regarding his condition and received bad news regarding how far his condition had progressed. Prior to this appointment he had a Psychologist appointment, in which he claimed to be perfectly fine mentally. I however was concerned because he had once told me that he would kill himself if he ever had a debilitating disease. As soon as we got home that day, I hid his guns until I could make arrangements to get them out of the house.

On May 19, 2012, Mr. Smith had taking his sleeping medication (Ambien). We were talking about his medical condition and our daughter. He broke down in tears for the first time ever. He then threatened to leave the house and just go. He mentioned committing a crime so that he would have a place to stay, food, and medical attention. I told him that he if he left this house, I would call 911 immediately. I made him get back into bed and then hid all of the vehicle keys in the house.

Mr. Smith’s sister Ann asked if she could keep Patience while I was moving out of the house. I told her I would have to ask Mr. Smith because it was his last night in the house with his child and he might want to keep that time. When I asked Mr. Smith he said he did not care. Ann picked the baby up on Friday May 25, 2012 around 5:30 p.m. When they left, Mr. Smith told Patience, “See ya kid, call me when you’re 35.”

On Saturday May 26, 2012, I was moving out of the house, at the request of my brother; Mr. Smith was not to be there while we were moving. Mr. Smith got up and asked about his guns, I had never gotten them out of the house. I asked Mr. Smith what he wanted with the guns and he said, “I’ll take them to my grandfather’s today.”

After, I moved everything of mine and Patience out of the house, I stopped by to grab a load of laundry that I had in the dryer. Mr. Smith was sitting in a chair looking miserable. I asked him what was wrong and he said he just didn’t feel good. He had me feel his throat, one of his lymph nodes were swollen. I told him to go to the community clinic. He said no, I will be okay. He also informed me that he got a ticket for not having a seatbelt on when he left Wendy’s. He told the officer that his condition has made it difficult to manipulate the seat belt.” The officer asked why he was still driving, he said because no one has told me I couldn’t. He also told me that he had not taken the guns to his grandfather’s. I left the house and on my way to daycare to pick up Patience, I called his father to tell him that Mr. Smith was sick and had his guns. I never got in touch with him, we played phone tag.

On Sunday May 27, Mr. Smith posted on his Facebook that he was on his way to the community clinic. They gave him some antibiotics and sent him on his way. I called later that evening to check on him, we had a short conversation and he never asked about Patience. Mr. Smiths’s grandmother called me to find out what was going on in the family and she and I talked for quite a bit about his mental health, physical health and his in ability to take care of our child. I then spoke to his grandfather about the guns and he was going to try to get in touch with Mr. Smith about the guns.

Patience and I moved into my mothers. Mr. Smith moved in with his mother and her boyfriend. This was a tumultuous living arrangement and did not last long. The relationships between the three of them were all to tense to live together. On June 10, 2012, there was a huge argument at that house and Mr. Smith came to visit us at my mother’s house. This was the first time we had seen each other since moving and we had rarely spoken. The visit consisted of him telling my mother and me all about how horrible his living situation was. He then informed me that he no longer wanted Patience around his mother. I consented to his wishes. During this visit, Mr. Smith did notice a miraculous thing about our daughter. She wasn’t crying while not being held. In just the short time we had been gone her behavior had changed drastically.

Mr. Smith moved into a shelter for the homeless who had substance abuse or mental health issues. He was unsure if he was going to be able to stay there because he did not fall into those categories but he had nowhere else to go. Patience and I visited Mr. Smith on father’s day at the shelter. The visit lasted about two hours. There was nowhere private for us to go and nowhere for Patience to play. Patience was sick with a virus for several days after that visit.

I confronted Mr. Smith with my fear that the center was not a safe place for our daughter to visit. He told me that my concern stemmed from experience I had when I was under four and visiting my own father at a hospital.

On June 28, 2012 Mr. Smith sent me a message on Facebook that said, “Goodnight beautiful.” I replied that he could no longer say those kinds of things to me. This led to a phone call in which I asked Mr. Smith to remove me from being his power of attorney and anything else that did not involve our daughter. Mr. Smith accused me of wanting him to be just a check to our daughter and the discussion quickly went downhill. This conversation ended so badly that I decided my feelings would interfere with any time Mr. Smith spent with our daughter. I asked Mr. Smith’s close friend, Paula, to supervise the visits until we could get to a better place.

Mr. Smith next saw Patience on July 14, 2012. This visit was supervised by Paula at the center. It was supposed to last three hours but only lasted an hour and a half. Mr. Smith brought Patience out to my car and said that she was getting fussy and it “was time for her to go.”

On July 24, 2012, Mr. Smith asked to see Patience again. I told him that I would like to discuss some things with him first and we made arrangements to meet on the evening of July 26, 2012. Instead Mr. Smith showed up at my place of work and asked if we could talk while there. I took my lunch break and we went to the vending area at the college that has tables. I had wanted to talk about the problems with Patience visiting the shelter, my concerns about him all together and what his plans were for the future. The conversation ended up being an argument. Mr. Smith threatened to try to have me arrested for kidnapping even though we both know that I had every right to take our child. When Mr. Smith said that, all I could think about was that if he were successful in that threat: what would he do with our child? I told Mr. Smith that if he wanted to see Patience, he would need to get a court order.

Ever since that day, I have constantly worried about the safety of Patience. I do not leave her with anyone, including my mother because I worry that Mr. Smith will try to take her. I have nightmares about him killing us. I truly fear for our daughter’s safety. Mr. Smith is not able to provide for our daughter if she were in his care. He has no home for her. I have concerns regarding his physical ability to take care of her. I know that he is not mentally able to care for a toddler. Mr. Smith is a threat to Patience’s physical and emotional well-being.

Any advice for the e-mails writer to help protect her and her child?

Ask BB: How to handle ‘accidental’ touching

mailbag

We received the following e-mail not too long ago from someone who is concerned about inappropriate contact with a child. Some details of the e-mail have been changed to protect identities.

Hi, I know none of you are lawyers, but I need some opinions on what to do for a situation involving a 8-year-old girl.

She has told me that her father, when tickling her, has “accidentally” touched her breasts and “thinks it’s funny.” She claims that she’s not uncomfortable with this and knows it’s accidental.

I have given her a book about child sexual abuse which she has read. I also will be seeing her today, and I intend on trying to instill the concept of setting boundaries (though it’s not her fault he’s doing this). I am unsure whether I should also talk to him (this might cause him to prohibit me from seeing her, as he is very sensitive to any criticisms on his parenting) or just call CPS or police (I have done this several times and they always fail to do very much).

As usual, even though the reader mentioned it, I have to preface this by saying that we are not legal experts here at BB and following any advice given is at your own risk.

Before I can personally give my opinion I would need to know how often this ‘touching’ is happening. It is a common occurrence or just a once in a while thing? If it is in fact inappropriate touching and CPS and the police are unwilling to act I would definitely recommend seeking the service of an attorney to see how things can be handled from that point on.

And as usual Breeder Readers, what do you have to say?

A Voice For The Innocent

I received the following e-mail from Jamie who not only wanted to tell us his story but also what he’s doing about it.

My name is Jamie. I am a 29-year-old male, and I am a sexual abuse victim. I don’t tell you this for pity. I don’t say this so that I can get some charity or attention for it. And I certainly don’t mention it so I can gain some sort of clout or admiration for having been through something like that. I mention it because it is crucial knowledge for this journey. In my late elementary/early middle school years, I was sexually abused by my father. It lasted around 3 years. It included the viewing of pornographic magazines and movies, personal and mutual masturbation, and eventually even turned into my father performing oral sex on me. Most people who know me on even a semi-personal level know this about me. But allow me to back up.

My mother and father were never married. When I was a very young child of 2 or 3 years of age, they lost touch. When I was around 7 or 8 years old, my grandma ran into my father at a convenience store. Imagine my surprise and excitement as a young boy who had often asked his mother the whereabouts of his father. The arrangements were made. I’d start going over to his place one weekend night a month. Over time, this turned into a weekend a month, and then the familiar arrangement that so many children of separated parents know – I stayed there every other weekend. Over the years of me starting going there, I got to know my stepmother and my siblings. I established real, meaningful, and lasting relationships with people whom I had no idea existed before being reintroduced to my father.

I remember when my father started working for the local newspaper. I’d go with him on to the job most nights that I was there. We’d wake up around 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, go stuff papers, and then go deliver them, returning home around 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning. This is when it all happened. While the rest of the house was asleep, 10-year-old me was introduced to sex, pornography, and what would turn into a dirty secret that I didn’t know how to share with anyone.

There’s a certain give and take with parents and children. Everyone who had a steady parent learned how to say ‘no’ to them. I certainly remember crossing the line several times with my mom, because I knew how to push back. There’s a natural quest for kids to search for boundaries, and I remember very well telling my mom that I wasn’t ready to turn off the television. I wasn’t ready to put away the Nintendo. I didn’t want to come in and go to bed. Most of the time, we call this talking back, but I think it’s more than that. It’s a sign of comfort. I know that, because I never had that with my father. I never knew how to tell him ‘no’. If he said I wasn’t watching TV, that was that. I didn’t even know how to counter his rules…I certainly didn’t know how to say no to his abuse. And to be honest, I didn’t even realize I was suffering from sexual abuse. I didn’t think it was right or wrong…I just didn’t think about it objectively at all. It wasn’t until I worked up the courage to tell my mom what was happening and she said the words “sexual abuse” that I realized what had been happening for 3 years.

I’ve been through this. I have had my struggles along the way, but the fact of the matter is despite the horrific events I’ve been through, it’s not nearly as bad as many people have dealt and are currently dealing with right now. The difference between me and so many people is that I had an amazing best friend I knew I could always talk to. I always had a mom who was there for me and supportive of me more than any other parent’s I’ve ever witnessed. The most disgusting thing about everything to me is the thought that the people out there who are suffering what I suffered and worse have no one to talk to. I’ve shared my story with so many people who have told me their story and then told me I was the first person they’ve ever told. I can’t imagine just walking around with these events playing over and over in my head…searching for any way out, but being repressed by someone who is too ashamed to tell. Too afraid to feel dirty. Too caring to get someone in trouble.

This needs to stop. I have spent the last 2 years brainstorming and the last several months in hard planning. I am creating a place for people to share their story. A Voice For The Innocent is an organization in it’s early stages. The purpose is to allow people to share their stories of sexual abuse and rape to a listening ear who won’t judge them and will still allow them to be as anonymous as they choose to be. We are still working on it, but I want to get people talking. There are far too many people who are out there suffering or holding in their own horrific stories for fear of judgment. These people need to know that they have self-worth. They aren’t dirty. They aren’t unfit for positive, functioning relationships. And they certainly aren’t alone.

We have started our journey and are getting quite a bit of backing and support.

www.avoicefortheinnocent.org

Thank you Jamie for your story and your project. I think I speak for everyone here at BB when I say that we wish you the best.

Also the link for AVFTI will be listed on our links page.

Bad Parent Sighting: Bloody child beatdown in WalMart

Back in the day when Uncle Zeroboss ran the site he had a feature called ‘Bad Parent Sightings’. These were stories he received from readers about Bad Breeder sightings they would encounter during their day-to-day activities. Just like the er-mail we received this week from a reader from north of the border…

I’m a Canadian who,occasionally, crosses the border into the US with a friend of mine for the sole purpose of doing a little shopping. You all have better deals and way more cereal choices than we do! Anyways, yesterday was one of those days. My friend and I left the kids home with their dads and headed off to the Wal-Mart.

I had a super day checking out the products we don’t have, loading up on treats and buying my oldest son his birthday present ( a Lego set he wanted which was only available in the States). When I got to the checkout, a family of a mom and five young children pulled up behind me. They were all really close in age and were shoving each other as children do. I smiled at the little girl behind me putting the articles on the strap.That mom looked absolutely overwhelmed. She was alternately yelling at the kids, who were all pretty dirty and generally unkept.

I know it was a Sunday afternoon and maybe they were playing and got dirty, but the image was more of neglect than of kids just getting dirty from playing outside. Every time the mom would get annoyed with one of the kids, she would get in their face and shout. The cashier was just shaking her head and mouthed over to me that they are there all the time. The mom would take a kid by the upper arm and squeeze when she was yelling at them. She stopped when she realized that my friend and I were staring at her. At some point, one of the kids that was sitting in the carriage kicked another of the kids, a little boy maybe four years old hard enough in the mouth for the kid to start bleeding. The kid just quietly whimpered and the mom didn’t even turn around.

I told the mom, your kid is bleeding, ma’am. You need to rinse his mouth out to see how bad it is. She then turned to the kid who had kicked her brother, a girl maybe seven years old, and gave her a good telling off. While the little boy continued to bleed there. Again I said, ma’am, your son is bleeding. There’s a fountain right there (a water fountain about five feet away in front of the cash register). I asked her if I could take him over to rinse his mouth out. She looked at me and shook her head no. The poor kid just continued whimpering and the other girl who got yelled at started laying in on her little brother while her mother turned her attention to another kid who was touching something in a candy rack and started giving her what for.

I looked at that little boy with the bloody mouth and felt so very low and sad for him. I have three sons and I can tell you that had any one of them gotten hit hard enough in the mouth to bleed, they would have screamed the store down. Especially at this little guy’s age. The fact that he was so quiet about it, and, worse, didn’t seem to expect anyone to help him just broke my heart. I want to think that these kids were just dirty from playing hard all day and mom was just frazzled at being in a store with five little kids, but it just seemed like there was an air or neglect and anger from mom to the kids and the kids to each other.

I left the store with a heavy heart, my pleasure at all the treats and toys I had bought for my kids entirely gone. I knew that my kids had a good day at home. My husband, I found out when I got home, had taken them and the dog to the dog park that day. They had come home and gone for a bike ride. They then went to my parents house for supper and spent the rest of the evening building Lego with dad.

I don’t want to judge this lady and presume I know what’s going on, or even label her a bad parent. I know what it’s like to have kids drive you crazy in a store and to lose your temper with a kid. But not like this. Not squeezing and upper arm and getting in their face to yell. Or completely ignoring a silently crying one who’s bleeding. This doesn’t compare to anything on this site, I know. But I still think that if someone reads this and recognizes themselves or someone who they know and it makes them realize that in public we only see the tip of the iceberg of what happens at home, maybe people will keep a closer eye on their neighbour’s kids. I wish there was something I coud have done, and it really left me with a bad taste in my mouth that I left this little boy silently crying and bleeding.

Also, I wanted to commend you all on the good work you do here on this site. When we read stories on your site, it’s often too late. But stories like those little kids at Wal-Mart, well, those kids are everywhere.

If you have a bad parent sighting that you’d like to share drop us a line at our contact page.

Ask BB: Just A Dad who needs help

Again I apologize in being so late to post this. Hopefully it’s not too late but we received the following e-mail asking advice on what to do about his son and the birth organism…

I am currently fighting for custody of my son against a mother who has been reported more than 10 times in the last few years for child neglect and abuse. She has 3 children 2 by a previous relationship and my son who is only 2 1/2. According to CPS reports the school has called CPS because her older son comes to school stinky, dirty, in girls clothes, hungry, and jumping on other children humping them and making sexual noises. Neighbors have talked to CPS and advised the son breaks into their homes and steals food, begs them to feed him, runs away from home and hides in their closets, and the latest that one of the numerous men living in the home touches him in his private area. My ex was given timesharing 50/50 and out of 11 visits with mom was taken either to his pediatrician or the ER 9 times. I have shown proof of her neglect, I have witnesses willing to testify, and I have Domestic Violence reports to prove her boyfriend(the latest of many) beats women and is a raging time bomb.

My son has to have surgery now on his head due to a hematoma caused by blunt trauma to his head on visit number 2 by visit number 3 I had to rush him to the ER with a black eye, a belt strap bruise to his upper left arm, severe bruising and was treated as if I had just abused my son. Well so far CPS has failed they opened the cases but couldn’t keep up with her since she has moved 6 times in 6 weeks and then a judge saw fit to give her only supervised visits with a DV injunction on behalf of my son so CPS saw fit not to chase her any longer and close the case with no indicators because they say they no longer feared for his safety because mom wasn’t alone with him any longer. Well now the DVI has expired and with the CPS report being closed with no indicators the same judge has now agreed until custody can be decided that my son should now go back to 50/50 timesharing with mom now out of state(she ran) for 2 weeks a month. I feel for every child that you are reporting about, but please help me do something for my son before he becomes one of your stories. Please if anyone can help me I am watching and will do whatever it takes to protect my son…. Just a Dad looking for help

Again I have to preface this by saying that we are not legal experts here at BB and following any advice given is at your own risk.

I would definitely recommend documenting every scratch and bruise that he show’s up to your home with and get copies of all his medical records. Those go a long way in legal battles.

What about you Breeder Readers? Do you have any advice for this dad?

Ask BB: Child ‘modeling’?

This is the first thing I think of when I hear ‘child modeling’. And yes I do know the Ramseys were cleared.

I got the following e-mail the other day and I meant to post this as soon as I got it however some things in my own life made that virtually impossible. Normally I ask the e-mail writers for their permission before posting an e-mail but I thought that would take too long. I just hope I’m not too late. Anyway…

My eight-year-old daughter, who lives with her dad, told me that her dad is supposedly getting her into modeling. She said that she is starting her modeling job very soon…for which she will, according to her, be earning $500 a day. Incidentally, her uncle & his girlfriend, who have been paying the rent up to this time (her dad is currently unemployed) are moving out soon, & apparently HALF of her “modeling earnings” are going to be used so they can pay the rent. First of all, what kind of modeling is this that she will be getting $500 a day, & secondly, what gives him the right to take HER money to cover what are really HIS adult responsibilities? I don’t know what to do…ask him about it (he’ll probably deny it even if it is true), call CPS and/or the cops (will they do anything at all?…is he doing anything illegal or abusive by law, or just morally wrong?)

Again I have to preface this by saying that we are not legal experts here at BB and following any advice given is at your own risk.

Whenever I hear anything about modeling for someone who is under the age of 18 I automatically get suspicious. I would ask the father all sorts of questions like what’s the name of the modeling agency? What is their phone number? Who is the person you’re in contact with there? Then I would check them out with the Better Business Bureau. I don’t know what the custody situation is your situation however if you have any say in the matter I would have her pulled out immediately if any red flags present themselves. If that involves calling the cops or CPS so be it. Not only is it extremely rare for children to actually become successful models but there are too many predators out there who use modeling as a way to get to their victims.

As far as I’m concerned nothing good can come from child modeling.

As far as the money thing goes if he has custody rights I believe he can do what he wants with the money. You may want to double-check with a lawyer on that.

What say you Breeder Readers?

Ask BB: Should I sign over guardianship?

We recently received the following e-mail from a reader on what would be the best step for her child.

I know this site is a blog site, I started reading the site when I found it bored one day and reading a few horror stories about children in dryers and stumbled onto this site. Stories here absolutely horrified me and when I found out I was pregnant I had vowed to be an excellent mother.

I am a cycle breaker my father was an abuser verbally saying and calling me everything in the abuser’s handbook, physical my memory I remember the most was when I was two I was strangled and lived, and sexually assaulted by not only my father but by a close friend of the family. My mother the neglectful worker, left me in the care of people who had questionable motives and still talks to my father to this day. Growing up moving from house to house and a few times to different states only to return to my home state doesn’t make a very stable life for a growing child. Just trying to get by. From state assistance to almost begging off the side of the street to finally landing in my grandparents home where I grew up.

I never did any drugs, I only drank at my rite of passage as a new 21 year old, and yada. My biggest mistake not graduating high school it is held against me. I am now struggling at the end to not give in to my boyfriend’s parent’s demands and sign guardianship over to them a temporary thing till I can get key binding things in life to support. I don’t want to do it but as best interests go for my son this temporary offer may be a forced thing against my wishes. I’m not a bad breeder, I swear I’d turn myself into this site and let myself be a permanent disgrace. I make sure my son is clean, fed, and happy I don’t have great financial support but I make sure he’s cared for. The only reason I can’t take him with me is threats of CPS called the moment I take him with me to another place that has questionable means but any move isn’t grand. I’m literally hours away from signing anything and I’m hoping that there is a chance someone has any information for me.

My baby’s father is really a great guy nothing like what we read here. He is in his life and helped amazingly after the birth. I had the options before he was really considered to be kept to abort but I chose to keep him I am pro-life and proud of it. I had the option to give him up for adoption… the moment my son was born I chose to keep him… even after having lots of scares he would’ve been premature or small for date he came out beautiful at 7 pounds 12 ounces. He was a good induced labor, induced at 10:30 am on March 27th 2011 was born 3:49pm. Almost parallel to my own birth time which was 3:43pm.

But I know this site has some things on young mothers specially struggling to support their child ones. but I am honestly trying to do my best for my child. I’ve broken my own abused cycle to ensure he will have a great life the moment he was conceived and I found out I know it is never about me anymore everything I do is for my son.

I really hope I can get help somehow and be able to keep my son. The only reason I can’t take him with me is my bf’s parents dislike my own mother. but it is his parents that are evicting me out and now trying to keep my son… in what I feel is unfair intent. I have a great support net my mom is willing to provide and I have this feeling now that my rights as a mother are being trampled under the “what is best for the child” saying.

I have the means to care for my son, I even have a job lined up… what can I do to protect myself in short time?

Any thought Breeder Readers?

As always Bad Breeders takes no responsibility for any actions resulting in following or not following the commenters’ advice.

Ask BB: A CPS failure in Texas?

Disclaimer: Bad Breeders and its staff can not claim any veracity to the following e-mail and we take no responsibility for the advice followed or not followed that is given by the commenters.

We received the following e-mail from a great-grandparent in Texas who says they are having some horrible issues with CPS in Texas.

my five year old great grandson is in mortal danger. sexually abused for a year after cps was notified of sexual abuse and found nothing wrong. abuser,step grandfather, convicted prior to the abuse for meth manufacturing and use and went to prison for the second time for dwis and is now out again as of approx. ten days ago. i have had the child for the past two and a half years but the child has been taken back to the home where the abuser resides with my daughter, the grandmother. the mother of the child, my granddaugher, has been used and abused herself by this monster and my daughter. she has a bad heart but was kicked out at 14 while the abuser was in prison the first time. she was preg at 16 and allowed back in the house with the birth of the child. because of an 8 month custody battle with the childs father. then she was kicked out again when that was over and the child stayed with the abuser and my daughter. the abuser wanted him. he was on methadone and unable to perform sexually with my daughter. he took special interest in the child from the first. making it a point to babysit and to bath him everyday. taking baths with the child/baby.

at two 1/2 years old the child, who i babysat during the day, began telling me pappy peed in my mouth, put his pee pee in my butt, the child spit in his hand and wiped in on his butt saying pappy does this. the child tried to put things in his butt etc etc. said the abuser told him he, the abuser, was a fagot f****r and that he, the child, was a fagot. cps was notified, images of a the childs damaged anus, cigarette burn in his ear, and carpet burns on his forehead were send to cps. they visited with the child for 30 minutes and found nothing wrong. my daughter worked with the sheriffs department for five years prior to her then husbands first conviction, second meth manufacturing bust, which caused her to be fired from the sheriffs department. she knew all those people in cps and and the abuser both called me crazy and cps believed them. the child has problems now, who wouldn’t. he has been told he is a liar by those who ought to be protecting him. the abuser is one of those men who is poor me all the time, a smart one too. i am crazy all right but he is the devil incarnate. my daughter is blind and ignorant and i believe she really believes this child is a liar. a two and a half year old, a liar about sexual abuse? my daughter, the grandmother, lived with a man ten years younger for the past two years, kicked him out three weeks ago so the abuser could come back home. my granddaughter who will do anything to have the love and support of her mother, which she has never had, took the child to her mothers to live. now the abuser has access and opportunity to silence the child for good and he is capable of it. i am afraid for my five year old great grandson’s life now. they, my family including another daughter, all hate me, i am crazy for bringing this horrible stuff into their lives. the abuser has them all fooled. i have notes taken during the year following the initial report to cps where this child told me what pappy was doing to him. holding his head under water,, holding a knife to his head, telling him he would cut his head off if he told. torturing him, cigarette burn in the ear, carpet burns from sexual positions. back and forehead. i reported to cps after a year of this and sent these notes and images to them. they did nothing. the abusers probation officer told him, well i guess you better stay away from him and he did. he was busted again for dwis and has been in prison for the past year and a half. he is out now and has the child at his disposal. i have reported the child’s move to the abusers home and the real possibility of the child’s life being in danger to cps as of yesterday. i don’t expect them to do a thing, they know they screwed up the first time and are covering their butts now. i need help to save him. what can i do? cps listens to the abuser and my family, i am crazy to them.

can you help in anyway? this child is so precious and i need help to make this right for him.

Any thoughts Breeder Readers?

Ask the readers: Breeder commandeered child with no custody agreement in place

We have another request for advice and assistance from on of our readers. This time about a Breeder who has allegedly taken it upon herself to make her own custody agreement where none existed before.

i have a very good friend who has a 4-year-old son with his ex-girlfriend. For a long while, they have been separated, but recently she moved in with he and his brother with her 1-year-old daughter from another relationship. My friend has seen things however since her moving in that he doesn’t like.

First, she neglects both children while playing Farmville all day on Facebook. When she does give the two children attention it is only to yell at them. She yells and calls her one year old names when she cries. Her actions have never been physical though. She has never hit them or left marks from what he has observed both co-inhabiting and also when living separately.

last week, (Trench’s note–I was backed up with posts so it’s my fault it has taken this long to get posted) she took their son away from my friend against the 4-year-old’s will. While doing so she tried to run my friend over while leaving, and took off to God knows where. My friend called the police and they told him they couldn’t do anything even though she is driving without a license or insurance. They also cannot do anything because there is no custody agreement between the two of them at all. It had been working out for a while, but in the last two years she has been leaving their son with my friend for longer than was planned, or when it is her time to have him for a week or more, she asks my friend to take him, and then leaves him there until it’s my friend’s turn to have him. It went from being 50/50 to 95/5 in a matter of about 9 months since they made the agreement.

The father of her 1-year-old daughter wants custody as well, but they are unsure of where to start or what to do now. The police won’t help, and my friend has a past history of drug use and a suicide attempt, but that was 8 or 9 years ago, and he is clean and sober now. Always has been. He’s afraid of his past coming to bite him in the ass if he goes after her for anything, and he’s also afraid of a judge not awarding him custody even though the egg donor is not a fit mother. Please, any help that can be given or advice would be appreciated. He is so lost, as is the other father. We all want to see him get the custody they deserve because they actually act and do things like parents. They’d rather have her only get supervised visitations. If it helps, we all live in the state of Michigan. Thanks.

After I asked for permission to post the e-mail I received more information about the situation. This e-mail was from this past Saturday.

Also, I’d like to add, she recently struck the 4 year old across the face so hard he landed on his butt. Cops were called, and they said a report wouldn’t be made since no mark was left. They didn’t even advise my friend to call CPS. I hate the system.

Again we are not legal experts, advice is taken at your own risk, your mileage may vary etc.

I know we have some Michiganders here that hopefully can help. But you don’t have to be from Michigan if you think you can offer some advice.